Someone was messing with my mental health lately.
Its a common thing for me, but never came from someone I've considered a good friend.
Why? Just why?
Why would you talk to me like that, with the smirk and all.
I really hate it. The accusation, restriction, the cold and distant feeling.
I know I shouldn't feel like this toward you, I shouldn't resent you because you're a friend.
But I am too, your friend.
So you shouldn't do that to me in the first place!
I might blurt my heart out one day.
Cause I'm just someone who cannot really hold my thoughts.
But considering it'll affect people around me, I will try my very best to control my mouth.
Maybe setup a distant and some boundaries between me and you would be good too.
#resentment #disappointment #Iizsed
Showing posts with label new life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label new life. Show all posts
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Tuesday, January 05, 2016
2016. I moved away, and moved on.
Happy new year!
May 2016 brings us more luck, prosperity and blessing.
Amen ^^
I am currently studying in a local university somewhere,
pursuing my postgraduate study. *why so formal?*lol
It's been a year since then and I've been staying in a family's house with my big bro.
Then, after a year, I decided to stay in hostel, alone, away from families. And I got everyone worried sick about my decision. Which I'm truly sorry!!
They kept on calling me, claiming every update of my life, especially how I managed to drive and parked safely, and then how I manage to stay alone in this 3-rooms apartment (hostel).lol
I am very sorry for my decision and worried about me.
I know that one day, I might have a thought that my decision is wrong. But I'll make it right somehow. Like what I've usually did. hoho *God Bless my brainiac self!lolol*
Yes. Hopefully, everyone will get use to it, of me living alone. Though I'm going home every fortnight. trololol
I moved on.
Remember my heartbroken issues few hundreds days ago? yeah!
Though the feeling still came once in a while, I can say that I'm very much over it.
Though it still hurts remembering what you did. I hate you so much!
But I remembered an advice saying that it's only a thin line between hate and love. Thus, I'm very much trying to get over you completely. Let me tell you this, you're 98% gone from my mind, heart and life. Happy? So, don't even bother to ask for forgiveness, chances, to be friend etc. Cause I don't forget and forgive that easy. Yeap, I am that evil. guahahaha
and I hope I can get a hold of this feeling forever. I don't want your existence to affect my life so much. Thanks!
Anyway, its 9.28 pm, my bedtime!lol
Nite!
May 2016 brings us more luck, prosperity and blessing.
Amen ^^
I am currently studying in a local university somewhere,
pursuing my postgraduate study. *why so formal?*lol
It's been a year since then and I've been staying in a family's house with my big bro.
Then, after a year, I decided to stay in hostel, alone, away from families. And I got everyone worried sick about my decision. Which I'm truly sorry!!
They kept on calling me, claiming every update of my life, especially how I managed to drive and parked safely, and then how I manage to stay alone in this 3-rooms apartment (hostel).lol
I am very sorry for my decision and worried about me.
I know that one day, I might have a thought that my decision is wrong. But I'll make it right somehow. Like what I've usually did. hoho *God Bless my brainiac self!lolol*
Yes. Hopefully, everyone will get use to it, of me living alone. Though I'm going home every fortnight. trololol
I moved on.
Remember my heartbroken issues few hundreds days ago? yeah!
Though the feeling still came once in a while, I can say that I'm very much over it.
Though it still hurts remembering what you did. I hate you so much!
But I remembered an advice saying that it's only a thin line between hate and love. Thus, I'm very much trying to get over you completely. Let me tell you this, you're 98% gone from my mind, heart and life. Happy? So, don't even bother to ask for forgiveness, chances, to be friend etc. Cause I don't forget and forgive that easy. Yeap, I am that evil. guahahaha
and I hope I can get a hold of this feeling forever. I don't want your existence to affect my life so much. Thanks!
Anyway, its 9.28 pm, my bedtime!lol
Nite!
Thursday, November 19, 2015
my fault. because I feel too much.
They said I don't have feeling. That I was a stiff person. Embedded by many rules, do's and don'ts. And that I was a boring person to be with.
So I tried to change myself, in which I succeed successfully.
Then they said I never settle down or loosen up.
Then I loosen up and started to trust people.
They said I am full of secret.
Then I spill the bean and let them roam into my life freely.
They give me option. I choose one.
Then they left me there.
Helpless, crying, depressed and confused.
Where did I messed up this time?
That one question that keeps on bugging me until now.
But, no one is at fault. It's just me, because I feel too much. And I trust hard.
Damn.
Never again will I repeat the same stupid decision.
So I tried to change myself, in which I succeed successfully.
Then they said I never settle down or loosen up.
Then I loosen up and started to trust people.
They said I am full of secret.
Then I spill the bean and let them roam into my life freely.
They give me option. I choose one.
Then they left me there.
Helpless, crying, depressed and confused.
Where did I messed up this time?
That one question that keeps on bugging me until now.
But, no one is at fault. It's just me, because I feel too much. And I trust hard.
Damn.
Never again will I repeat the same stupid decision.
Monday, November 16, 2015
If you can get the best, why settle for the less?
Hello people!
After some breakdown, emo moments and dark clouds all over.
After the long deep sleep I've took for a few weeks now, and after all the tears,
I can say that I am 70% healed!
Though I must say that I sometimes misses those feelings of longed by someone.
But naaah..I am just lonely. I don't need that person nor do I want him. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Now that I've involved myself in some activity (which is rahsia), I can finally REALLY get rid of those nasty feelings and heartbreak. Gotta get busy!lol
I just wish that I can get over it completely and look at him just as friends without that hard feelings and pain, just like before. Or else, I wont be able to hang and chill with my other buddy in a normal way anymore. urghhhhhh!
After some breakdown, emo moments and dark clouds all over.
After the long deep sleep I've took for a few weeks now, and after all the tears,
I can say that I am 70% healed!
Though I must say that I sometimes misses those feelings of longed by someone.
But naaah..I am just lonely. I don't need that person nor do I want him. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Now that I've involved myself in some activity (which is rahsia), I can finally REALLY get rid of those nasty feelings and heartbreak. Gotta get busy!lol
I just wish that I can get over it completely and look at him just as friends without that hard feelings and pain, just like before. Or else, I wont be able to hang and chill with my other buddy in a normal way anymore. urghhhhhh!
Wednesday, November 04, 2015
I never get what I want. But life is never fair anyway
Hey there,
Just want to confess about my disappointment in my life this time.
Did you know that I never get what I really want in my life ever?
Especially when the things relate to other people. Where I don't use my own power to achieve it.
That is why I lose faith in people. When my desires involves other people, I'll automatically drop my expectation and rest assure. Calming myself down and pat myself on my shoulder, saying to myself 'Calm down and expect less. You won't get those anyway'
So yes..
It's only natural for me to be disappointed. Because I never put a high hopes on people.
So, when I don't get what I want, I won't sulk. Just suck it up and let it go. Because it's only natural for me to be treated that way.
And you, my friend, can you please grow up and stop thinking that the world revolves around you?
Please. I know you're in sadness right now. But just suck it up. It's not like it's not your fault anyway.
Plus, this is just a small matters. Why are you behaving that way? It kinda get annoying these days.
Maybe what natural to you is that you being treated like a princess all the time. Desired by people and you can have everything that you want just by saying it out.
I know, different people have a different capacity to hold stresses and stuff. I've tried to understand you for a long time. But I just can't anymore because it really get on my nerves -_-
I am very sorry. I was supposed to be the usual me, that one friend who will surrender to grant her friend's wishes, that one friend who'd leave all her works behind just to get to her depressed friends for some consoling session and stuff. But that was the old me.
The new me know about self worth. The new me point out exactly what she want, and she value herself more than everything. And won't feel guilty about it at all. Because I just love myself.
So, lets just suck things up adn get along with life.
Cheers!
#InLoveWithMyself
#IhatePeople
#NotaPeoplePleaserAnymore
Just want to confess about my disappointment in my life this time.
Did you know that I never get what I really want in my life ever?
Especially when the things relate to other people. Where I don't use my own power to achieve it.
That is why I lose faith in people. When my desires involves other people, I'll automatically drop my expectation and rest assure. Calming myself down and pat myself on my shoulder, saying to myself 'Calm down and expect less. You won't get those anyway'
So yes..
It's only natural for me to be disappointed. Because I never put a high hopes on people.
So, when I don't get what I want, I won't sulk. Just suck it up and let it go. Because it's only natural for me to be treated that way.
And you, my friend, can you please grow up and stop thinking that the world revolves around you?
Please. I know you're in sadness right now. But just suck it up. It's not like it's not your fault anyway.
Plus, this is just a small matters. Why are you behaving that way? It kinda get annoying these days.
Maybe what natural to you is that you being treated like a princess all the time. Desired by people and you can have everything that you want just by saying it out.
I know, different people have a different capacity to hold stresses and stuff. I've tried to understand you for a long time. But I just can't anymore because it really get on my nerves -_-
I am very sorry. I was supposed to be the usual me, that one friend who will surrender to grant her friend's wishes, that one friend who'd leave all her works behind just to get to her depressed friends for some consoling session and stuff. But that was the old me.
The new me know about self worth. The new me point out exactly what she want, and she value herself more than everything. And won't feel guilty about it at all. Because I just love myself.
So, lets just suck things up adn get along with life.
Cheers!
#InLoveWithMyself
#IhatePeople
#NotaPeoplePleaserAnymore
Sunday, October 04, 2015
Life become so hard when we get older
Maybe it's my fault for always acting that way.
But, have you ever realized of all the things that you've done to me?
Isn't I am just trying to reciprocate the things that you did to me?
I'm getting tired.
I've been giving you chances after chances.
I even forget and cancel about moving on after all those thing that you've done to me.
After you hurt me that bad. I tried to forgive and waved it off so that we can always start over.
Yet, every week, things only ended up the same. I don't know about you.
But things sure is taking it's toll on me.
I've messed up with my life, ignoring my friends and family. Just to entertain you and to make sure you'd feel wanted.
Now, I don't know what happened to us.
I don't know where'd I done wrong this time.
Should I always be the one who'll raise the white flag and apologizing?
I could've leave and be with other people who'd ready to offer me comfort, be my best listener and adviser. Yet, I choose to stay because I'm a loyal person.
Unlike you who'd just run away and hurt me whenever we stumbled upon some rock.
It really is tiring. It hurt so bad this time, just like before.
So...I can say that I am currently stranded between staying or leaving.
I've been trying to be more understanding.
I know you're busy with your works. I don't mind that at all.
I know you need your own space to be with your friends, just like I did.
But still, I am not good enough. And I don't know where did I've done wrong in this?
I've been trying to figured out my fault, but I can't.
Maybe our relationship shouldn't exist after all.
Maybe we weren't meant to be with each other.
Maybe we're not good enough for each other.
Maybe we shouldn't even try fixing us anymore?
My good friend asked me to 'move on' for good and value myself first.
He asked me to run away from a jerk like you.
So, if, in case you're reading this like you usually did back then before I fall head over heel for you, I'd like you to know that I want to try to end our relationship once and for all. I wan't you to vanish from my life just like what you usually did every week. But this time, I want you to gone forever. Don't ever try to reach me when you're bored or needed consolation or if, by any chance, missed me.
Just go and vanish. GO!
#Iwanttomoveonsobad #GODgivemecourage #hopingforamiracle
But, have you ever realized of all the things that you've done to me?
Isn't I am just trying to reciprocate the things that you did to me?
I'm getting tired.
I've been giving you chances after chances.
I even forget and cancel about moving on after all those thing that you've done to me.
After you hurt me that bad. I tried to forgive and waved it off so that we can always start over.
Yet, every week, things only ended up the same. I don't know about you.
But things sure is taking it's toll on me.
I've messed up with my life, ignoring my friends and family. Just to entertain you and to make sure you'd feel wanted.
Now, I don't know what happened to us.
I don't know where'd I done wrong this time.
Should I always be the one who'll raise the white flag and apologizing?
I could've leave and be with other people who'd ready to offer me comfort, be my best listener and adviser. Yet, I choose to stay because I'm a loyal person.
Unlike you who'd just run away and hurt me whenever we stumbled upon some rock.
It really is tiring. It hurt so bad this time, just like before.
So...I can say that I am currently stranded between staying or leaving.
I've been trying to be more understanding.
I know you're busy with your works. I don't mind that at all.
I know you need your own space to be with your friends, just like I did.
But still, I am not good enough. And I don't know where did I've done wrong in this?
I've been trying to figured out my fault, but I can't.
Maybe our relationship shouldn't exist after all.
Maybe we weren't meant to be with each other.
Maybe we're not good enough for each other.
Maybe we shouldn't even try fixing us anymore?
My good friend asked me to 'move on' for good and value myself first.
He asked me to run away from a jerk like you.
So, if, in case you're reading this like you usually did back then before I fall head over heel for you, I'd like you to know that I want to try to end our relationship once and for all. I wan't you to vanish from my life just like what you usually did every week. But this time, I want you to gone forever. Don't ever try to reach me when you're bored or needed consolation or if, by any chance, missed me.
Just go and vanish. GO!
#Iwanttomoveonsobad #GODgivemecourage #hopingforamiracle
Wednesday, September 02, 2015
Moving On day 33
Its been 33 days since the moving on phase started. What I feel now? Is neutral.
It still hurts. But at least it is not that bad anymore. At least I can watch that person in a 'normal' kind of way now.
Less than 2 weeks, I believed things will turn cold again.
Before that time comes, I shall get prepared and be cold. Yeap. Be cold.
I know its cruel. But at least this time, I've shield myself from getting hurt.
I want to love myself ^_^
#bai
It still hurts. But at least it is not that bad anymore. At least I can watch that person in a 'normal' kind of way now.
Less than 2 weeks, I believed things will turn cold again.
Before that time comes, I shall get prepared and be cold. Yeap. Be cold.
I know its cruel. But at least this time, I've shield myself from getting hurt.
I want to love myself ^_^
#bai
Thursday, August 27, 2015
back to december.
Well..after a few days, I am back, again.haha
The heartbreak?
I'm over it now. Maybe not completely 100% moved on yet, but at least, I am OK.
Things become normal between us.
But if you ask, yes. I still hope I can go back to December and change everything -_-
The regret though~hmmm
anyway, its a bz life lately. But here I am, taking time and do stuff very slow.
Please pardon my slow-ness.lol
But I hope I can do all my work perfectly!
Pray for me!
#bye
The heartbreak?
I'm over it now. Maybe not completely 100% moved on yet, but at least, I am OK.
Things become normal between us.
But if you ask, yes. I still hope I can go back to December and change everything -_-
The regret though~hmmm
anyway, its a bz life lately. But here I am, taking time and do stuff very slow.
Please pardon my slow-ness.lol
But I hope I can do all my work perfectly!
Pray for me!
#bye
Sunday, August 16, 2015
I am super tired
What else I can say? I'm tired. Tired of thinking and wondering.lol
What should I do next?
Is this worth it?
Will I sit down crying and regret everything that I did now, 10 years later?
I just want a normal happy life.
I want my life back.
The life that don't have anyone in it except me and my family.
Can I just go back to December and change everything?
Maybe back then, I should just be indifferent towards everything and concentrate more on myself?
Oh how I wish I have magic power to turn everything into whatever I want and even turn back the time. I wish.
Enough said. Bye :D
What should I do next?
Is this worth it?
Will I sit down crying and regret everything that I did now, 10 years later?
I just want a normal happy life.
I want my life back.
The life that don't have anyone in it except me and my family.
Can I just go back to December and change everything?
Maybe back then, I should just be indifferent towards everything and concentrate more on myself?
Oh how I wish I have magic power to turn everything into whatever I want and even turn back the time. I wish.
Enough said. Bye :D
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
#movingon #day11
Its been 11 days since I've got my heart broke.lol
and it hurts a lot the first week. But I managed to get a hold of myself.
Finally, last sunday, I've decided to let it all go and be free.
Monday, when he called, I don't feel anything superior like before anymore.
I am happier and felt free that he didn't affect me that much anymore.
Tuesday, which is today, about 20% of the old feelings came back.
But I refuse to accept the fact.
I am stronger than this.
Never again I will fall for you.
Never again I will hold any romantic feelings towards you.
Because every time the old feeling came creeping back inside of me, you always decided to be a jerk and do something that would eventually hurt me.
I guess, I am more free than before. From the feeling, your shadow and you.
So, I want to be happier and forgot about you as much as I can.
Lets just stay as friend then ^_^
Now, I want to focus on my study and fall in love with my work.
Cheers and good luck to me! :D
#movingonday11
#counting
and it hurts a lot the first week. But I managed to get a hold of myself.
Finally, last sunday, I've decided to let it all go and be free.
Monday, when he called, I don't feel anything superior like before anymore.
I am happier and felt free that he didn't affect me that much anymore.
Tuesday, which is today, about 20% of the old feelings came back.
But I refuse to accept the fact.
I am stronger than this.
Never again I will fall for you.
Never again I will hold any romantic feelings towards you.
Because every time the old feeling came creeping back inside of me, you always decided to be a jerk and do something that would eventually hurt me.
I guess, I am more free than before. From the feeling, your shadow and you.
So, I want to be happier and forgot about you as much as I can.
Lets just stay as friend then ^_^
Now, I want to focus on my study and fall in love with my work.
Cheers and good luck to me! :D
#movingonday11
#counting
Wednesday, August 05, 2015
Our heart is not that bright, that is why we have our brain.
I don't usually fall in love,
but when I do, it's with an asshole, jerk and unemotional guy who changed heart very quick.
That is why, I don't do the 'falling in love' stuff.
I don't want to lose my composition. As if I am cool enough with the 'composition' that I have now. lol
Because I know, the outcomes of that 'falling in love' stuff will not be pretty.
You know what you'll end up with when you're wasting your heart and love? Yes, pain and heartbreak.
You might experienced somewhat of a bursting heart, constant happiness and smile and you'll feel like everything move in a slow motion when you're in love. But during the heartbreak, you'll see everything in black and white, everything is just dull no matter what you do. Even your favorite sitcom isn't helping, your favorite food will taste like crap and you refuse to talk (even if you're a talkative type) to anyone, and you know what? You will feel like crying all the time. You heart feel like it was stabbed a million times and its like someone or something is constantly compressing your heart inside. Yes, it hurts like that. Actually, its hurt a lot.
You'll find yourself listening to Taylor Swift's song and other heartbroken song too.haha
So....I don't do the 'fall in love' stuff. I guess?
But I am just a human, I can't really control my feelings. So, instead of falling hard, I put a boundary to make sure that even if I fall, I won't fall too deep to climb my way back up. So that at least I can still see some light.
So, teenagers, girls, woman, when you want to fall, don't fall too deep. Cheers.
Good Morning by the way!
#comingback
but when I do, it's with an asshole, jerk and unemotional guy who changed heart very quick.
That is why, I don't do the 'falling in love' stuff.
I don't want to lose my composition. As if I am cool enough with the 'composition' that I have now. lol
Because I know, the outcomes of that 'falling in love' stuff will not be pretty.
You know what you'll end up with when you're wasting your heart and love? Yes, pain and heartbreak.
You might experienced somewhat of a bursting heart, constant happiness and smile and you'll feel like everything move in a slow motion when you're in love. But during the heartbreak, you'll see everything in black and white, everything is just dull no matter what you do. Even your favorite sitcom isn't helping, your favorite food will taste like crap and you refuse to talk (even if you're a talkative type) to anyone, and you know what? You will feel like crying all the time. You heart feel like it was stabbed a million times and its like someone or something is constantly compressing your heart inside. Yes, it hurts like that. Actually, its hurt a lot.
You'll find yourself listening to Taylor Swift's song and other heartbroken song too.haha
So....I don't do the 'fall in love' stuff. I guess?
But I am just a human, I can't really control my feelings. So, instead of falling hard, I put a boundary to make sure that even if I fall, I won't fall too deep to climb my way back up. So that at least I can still see some light.
So, teenagers, girls, woman, when you want to fall, don't fall too deep. Cheers.
Good Morning by the way!
#comingback
Tuesday, August 04, 2015
Good Morning Baltimore
Well..thats just a song title up there.lol
Its been a while, again, since my last post.
Im thinking of coming back and write regularly just to kill time and bored-ness (if you know what I mean). But we'll see later.
Lot of thing happened lately. and July definitely not a good month.
Its rather an emotional and painful month. My usual self will shut down and turn off every time July came. Wanna know why? Maybe later.hohoho
Anyway, good morning and have a nice day! ^^
Its been a while, again, since my last post.
Im thinking of coming back and write regularly just to kill time and bored-ness (if you know what I mean). But we'll see later.
Lot of thing happened lately. and July definitely not a good month.
Its rather an emotional and painful month. My usual self will shut down and turn off every time July came. Wanna know why? Maybe later.hohoho
Anyway, good morning and have a nice day! ^^
Saturday, July 25, 2015
How to get a hold of everything all at once?
I am back. Assalamualaikum.
As the title said, I am facing that kind of problem right now.
What do you do when you're expected to be able to do (and excel) at everything?
Managing household, work, have a higher education and what about my personal life?
I hated it when someone tries to control me.
I can say that I was forced to pursue the life I have right now? I feel like a bad person to say that. But thats the truth. And as the time goes by, I started to actually liked my current life. Then someone have to come and set a boundary for me, limiting my steps and freedom.
Its kinda stressing me out and the situation did interrupt my daily life, emotionally and mentally.
I feel like I'm constantly being a jerk towards my friends. I am very sorry for the abnormal personalities that I showed these last few weeks. I really am sorry! Things just take a toll on me I supposed. I don't know how to deal with my current situation, I don't have a place to pour everything out and its suffocating. Someone is very mad at me for my jerky attitude. I just can't find myself apologizing again for the same thing that I did. I just hope he read this.
I actually noticed that when Im in this situation, I tend to push away and hurt the people that I favor the most. I don't know why, I just did. Instinct said that I don't want to hurt them? Well, maybe. But if you feel like I've pushed you away from my life, well, you're an important person to me.
Let e just isolate myself from everything again and do some self reflection to solve my problem.
I missed sitting in my dark room alone and think about life like what I usually did back then.
Its been so long since I left that habit. I should join my demon again I supposed.
I just hope that this problem will just pass and everything will turn to normal.
Insya'Allah...
As the title said, I am facing that kind of problem right now.
What do you do when you're expected to be able to do (and excel) at everything?
Managing household, work, have a higher education and what about my personal life?
I hated it when someone tries to control me.
I can say that I was forced to pursue the life I have right now? I feel like a bad person to say that. But thats the truth. And as the time goes by, I started to actually liked my current life. Then someone have to come and set a boundary for me, limiting my steps and freedom.
Its kinda stressing me out and the situation did interrupt my daily life, emotionally and mentally.
I feel like I'm constantly being a jerk towards my friends. I am very sorry for the abnormal personalities that I showed these last few weeks. I really am sorry! Things just take a toll on me I supposed. I don't know how to deal with my current situation, I don't have a place to pour everything out and its suffocating. Someone is very mad at me for my jerky attitude. I just can't find myself apologizing again for the same thing that I did. I just hope he read this.
I actually noticed that when Im in this situation, I tend to push away and hurt the people that I favor the most. I don't know why, I just did. Instinct said that I don't want to hurt them? Well, maybe. But if you feel like I've pushed you away from my life, well, you're an important person to me.
Let e just isolate myself from everything again and do some self reflection to solve my problem.
I missed sitting in my dark room alone and think about life like what I usually did back then.
Its been so long since I left that habit. I should join my demon again I supposed.
I just hope that this problem will just pass and everything will turn to normal.
Insya'Allah...
Sunday, May 04, 2014
A letter for my friends.
Dear friends.
I'm tired of getting hurt and ignored by you.
You really think that I forgot about what you have done a few years back aren't you?
Actually, I don't. No matter how close I am to you right now.
No matter how friendly and how nice I act towards you.
Things just won't be the same anymore.
If you were considering me as a friends because all you wanted was taking advantages on me,
you can get lost. I am more delighted, happy, feel good enough to let go of someone like you.
I should posted this with Anonymous as a name.
But I am not the person who gonna keep the hurt feeling deep inside anymore.
Friend who tormented the friendship, who betrayed, who enjoyed hurting other friend,
Get Lost!
I'm tired of getting hurt and ignored by you.
You really think that I forgot about what you have done a few years back aren't you?
Actually, I don't. No matter how close I am to you right now.
No matter how friendly and how nice I act towards you.
Things just won't be the same anymore.
If you were considering me as a friends because all you wanted was taking advantages on me,
you can get lost. I am more delighted, happy, feel good enough to let go of someone like you.
I should posted this with Anonymous as a name.
But I am not the person who gonna keep the hurt feeling deep inside anymore.
Friend who tormented the friendship, who betrayed, who enjoyed hurting other friend,
Get Lost!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Fear of Flying. How do I get rid of it??
Assalamualaikum reader(s)!
Just reach my University (its early..i know. but duties call!hahaha), and my last semester's result are very dissapointing. What can I say...less study?lol
and since I've come back from my not-so-relaxing-holiday, I got lot of work to do in lab. I even stayed in the lab till late at night..straight until Thursday and join safety process training on Friday and Saturday.fuuuh enough?kekeke
So...let's cut the long story short!
I have this fear that I've kept for a few months now..it's the fear of flying.
I know and understand the principle of the plane and how its works very well..but I'm still scared!!
It's started on that very day where we experienced a worst turbulence and there's an emergency announcement announced (ok!confusing!!). I just thought that I am going to die that day!
But alhamdulillah...Allah gave me the chance to breath until now..until i'm 23 (motif?)...
Since that day, i've been so scared to board on a plane!
But then, all my travelling (at least 4 times per semester) requires flying on a plane (dayum!)
I've tried to calm my nerves down through the whole journey though..and divert my attention to some movies and drama provided. BUT STILL!!!!
Thank God that I manage to get a grip on myself and hold myself together from screaming out loud during the journey (or at least every time there's a turbulence).
How do I get rid of my fear?
Just reach my University (its early..i know. but duties call!hahaha), and my last semester's result are very dissapointing. What can I say...less study?lol
and since I've come back from my not-so-relaxing-holiday, I got lot of work to do in lab. I even stayed in the lab till late at night..straight until Thursday and join safety process training on Friday and Saturday.fuuuh enough?kekeke
So...let's cut the long story short!
I have this fear that I've kept for a few months now..it's the fear of flying.
I know and understand the principle of the plane and how its works very well..but I'm still scared!!
It's started on that very day where we experienced a worst turbulence and there's an emergency announcement announced (ok!confusing!!). I just thought that I am going to die that day!
But alhamdulillah...Allah gave me the chance to breath until now..until i'm 23 (motif?)...
Since that day, i've been so scared to board on a plane!
But then, all my travelling (at least 4 times per semester) requires flying on a plane (dayum!)
I've tried to calm my nerves down through the whole journey though..and divert my attention to some movies and drama provided. BUT STILL!!!!
Thank God that I manage to get a grip on myself and hold myself together from screaming out loud during the journey (or at least every time there's a turbulence).
How do I get rid of my fear?
Monday, December 30, 2013
My 2013 wishlist checker!
Assalamualaikum people!
Its been a very loooooooooong time since my last post.jyeah!
I know, right?
I've been very busy with my undergrad research and my final year project recently (or should I say, currently?)
and yeah..I'm typing this post in a very speed pace because I want to sleep at least 3.30 a.m!
I've been dealing with this insomnia for a while now..I've suffered from this insomnia thingy since I have to stay awake to do my final year project! >.<
***even remembering my final year project gave me this traumatized feeling!
It even cross my mind to just delete my dusty blog since I am not that active anymore.but....I'm just too lazy to delete it...
Oh yeah!
2013 is coming to an end..let me list down my wishlist that I managed to get it checked up until 2013.
and for 2014, my wish is...to get a boyfriend like this!
HAHAHAHA
good night everyone! :*
p.s.I have 2 weeks of study week(special case!)
so..I am currently wasting my time right now..
I wish I can get the motivation to really start on studying for my final!
***Special case: Final year, subject sikit.ehehehe
Its been a very loooooooooong time since my last post.jyeah!
I know, right?
I've been very busy with my undergrad research and my final year project recently (or should I say, currently?)
and yeah..I'm typing this post in a very speed pace because I want to sleep at least 3.30 a.m!
I've been dealing with this insomnia for a while now..I've suffered from this insomnia thingy since I have to stay awake to do my final year project! >.<
***even remembering my final year project gave me this traumatized feeling!
It even cross my mind to just delete my dusty blog since I am not that active anymore.but....I'm just too lazy to delete it...
Oh yeah!
2013 is coming to an end..let me list down my wishlist that I managed to get it checked up until 2013.
- Going on a holiday twice a year in a different places (bajet org kaya gitteww)
- Challenge myself with things that I thought I couldn't do
- Get the most-latest gadget (feefeeling up-to-date.haha)
- Attend a concert(it was last year actually..but, O well...and it turns out to be i am one of the 12k fans who attended Bigbang's Alive Tour concert. wehuu!the feeling! :D)
- Lose more than 10kgs of my weight (tho' I am gaining it back right now.lol)
- Travel back and forth to my hometown more than my normal 6 times a year
and for 2014, my wish is...to get a boyfriend like this!
HAHAHAHA
good night everyone! :*
p.s.I have 2 weeks of study week(special case!)
so..I am currently wasting my time right now..
I wish I can get the motivation to really start on studying for my final!
***Special case: Final year, subject sikit.ehehehe
Sunday, October 06, 2013
The truth to be told.
Today, we live in a generation where they ‘hide the truth
and reveal the untruth’
It’s a very depressing situation for me. I am a very honest
person. I’ll speak only the truth even if it will hurt the other party.
Well, depend on the situation actually. But I’ll be honest
and straightforward in most situation.lol
My friend once told me ‘you are so honest!how cruel…’
That’s why I don’t have many friends maybe…haha
If you’re dark, and you put on a clothes that doesn’t match
your skin color, I’ll say it directly that the color didn’t suit you. No hiding.
But I’ll add ‘but as long as you like it, I don’t see any problem’ in my
sentence tho.haha
So people, can we just be honest and stop hiding the truth?
If I hate something, I’ll just show it with my face, voice
and action. There’s no need to be scared to show your emotion. People might
hated you for it, but at least people will respect your choice.
I hate the smell of raw fish. Every time I go to the fish
market, I’ll tell the people that come with me how much I hated the smell. But
still, I love having a meal of fish for my dinner!hehehe
I am an open person. You can read me like an open book. I
hadn’t kept much secret about me or my life. There’s no need to stalk me
through my Facebook, pictures from my phone or even read my inbox. No need..no
need..can you feel how uninteresting I am?
Well..it’s been a while since my last blog post.
Update blog terus post #jiwakacau punya hal kan.kekeke
That’s all about me. Let’s just stop talking about me.
Now tell me about yourself. What do you think of me?
Lol #nyte!
#becoming a very unproductive person!urghhh!!!
Sunday, September 01, 2013
INTERNSHIP : 1 more week to go
Assalamualaikum y'all!
I've finished my 9th week of internship and there's 1 more week to go.
I'll summarize my internship experience after finish the 10th week.
My intern-mate, both from UMS had finish theirs and left me all alone next week.
I am sure that it's gonna be a looooong boring and lonely week for me.
Must find something to do for next week!*plotting plan*
1 more week to go, let's just concentrate on the final report writing!
Nyte peepz!
I've finished my 9th week of internship and there's 1 more week to go.
I'll summarize my internship experience after finish the 10th week.
My intern-mate, both from UMS had finish theirs and left me all alone next week.
I am sure that it's gonna be a looooong boring and lonely week for me.
Must find something to do for next week!*plotting plan*
1 more week to go, let's just concentrate on the final report writing!
Nyte peepz!
Sunday, July 28, 2013
20th July 2013
Happy 18th Birthday.
It's been a while, 5 years maybe?
and We're still missing you
Rest in Peace :')
It's been a while, 5 years maybe?
and We're still missing you
Rest in Peace :')
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Mari bercuti sambil ber-LI
Assalamualaikum Pipol!
Right now, I am on my holiday. Unfortunately, I have this so-called LI or a.k.a Practical.
So, I've accepted the offer for LI at this Dairy farm at my hometown due to ease of accommodation (konon.sekali tgk hari2 sampai kerja 2 minit sebelum masa ofis.lol)
Finish my first week today. I mean yesterday(5/7/13). There's still 9 weeks to go! but TGIF! ^^
My first week?well...My supervisor put me in the Milking Process. You know..perah2 susu lembu. gila bapak freaked out sia mula2. first day, I didnt join the team. Joined them on second day, and I freaked out. The 1 hour and 30 minutes feel soooooo long. Thank God, third day until today, is awesome. I love the cow.haha
 |
| Sumber : Google (Milking Process) |
Next week, I was assigned to the Processing Room.
I promise I'll do well.haha
walaupun sebenarnya sy rasa ramai2 student yg LI, saya la yg paaaaaling relaks.yahuuu!
We often said, 'Bodoh seperti Lembu'
But they gave us milk.
The creamy milk that we love.
Now who's the stupid person drinking the milk from the stupid cow?haha
The cow di sana sangat berdisiplin. and I was surprise at first!
and the people are nice! although they like to play around a lot. But it's still entertaining.
and we often said, orang yang tidak berpendidikan tiada guna?
kalo semua orang berpendidikan, siapa yang mau perah susu lembu untuk kita?
kalo semua orang berpendidikan, siapa yang mau tanam padi untuk kita?
kalo semua orang berpendidikan, siapa yang mau tanam sayur untuk kita?
kalo semua orang berpendidikan, siapa yang mau jala/tangkap ikan untuk kita?
kalo semua orang berpendidikan, siapa yang mau buka bengkel dan buat kereta kita yang rosak?
kalo semua orang berpendidikan, siapa yang mau buat benda-benda basic untuk kita?
Kalo org yang berpendidikan tinggi ni, selalunya mau buat benda-benda yang bombastik & fantastik saja ba kan...memang jarang yang terfikir untuk buat benda2 kecil macam yg diatas tp lebih penting untuk kita.
Overall, the people are nice.
walaupun dorg tidak berpendidikan tinggi, malahan ada yang bersekolah setakat sampai darjah 6 saja, tapi they know more things than I do. I learned a lot from them. Bila berkerja sama dorg, rasa diri ini sangat rendah. thx for the one-week experience & tutor. Next week jumpa org baru & benda baru. Can't wait!
#BABYGOODNIGHT
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