Hello 2016

Sometimes I wondered, did my boyfriend came here and read my old posts?lol
*Cause if you do, please take notes that it was long before us.hahahahaha*
yes, my boyfriend. I am finally settling down for good.lol
currently in a good relationship which we both hope will eventually end in happiness. Amen...

it's mid 2016 now.
wth have I been doing in the first half of 2016? o.O
suddenly felt very nervous here. especially bout my studies.urgggh
aaaaand, good-new things will come soon.
Just wait for it. I hope it'll be a big surprises for everyone.jahahaha

it's 2 am now by the way. Ramadhan (fasting month) is just in the corner,
I'm wishing everyone Happy Ramadhan, have a blessed month and may Allah pour us
with HIS blessing. amen.

Depressed and Disappointed

Someone was messing with my mental health lately.
Its a common thing for me, but never came from someone I've considered a good friend.
Why? Just why?

Why would you talk to me like that, with the smirk and all.
I really hate it. The accusation, restriction, the cold and distant feeling.
I know I shouldn't feel like this toward you, I shouldn't resent you because you're a friend.

But I am too, your friend.
So you shouldn't do that to me in the first place!
I might blurt my heart out one day.
Cause I'm just someone who cannot really hold my thoughts.
But considering it'll affect people around me, I will try my very best to control my mouth.
Maybe setup a distant and some boundaries between me and you would be good too.

#resentment #disappointment #Iizsed

I never get what I want. But life is never fair anyway

Hey there,
Just want to confess about my disappointment in my life this time.

Did you know that I never get what I really want in my life ever?
Especially when the things relate to other people. Where I don't use my own power to achieve it.
That is why I lose faith in people. When my desires involves other people, I'll automatically drop my expectation and rest assure. Calming myself down and pat myself on my shoulder, saying to myself 'Calm down and expect less. You won't get those anyway'

So yes..
It's only natural for me to be disappointed. Because I never put a high hopes on people.
So, when I don't get what I want, I won't sulk. Just suck it up and let it go. Because it's only natural for me to be treated that way.

And you, my friend, can you please grow up and stop thinking that the world revolves around you?
Please. I know you're in sadness right now. But just suck it up. It's not like it's not your fault anyway.
Plus, this is just a small matters. Why are you behaving that way? It kinda get annoying these days.
Maybe what natural to you is that you being treated like a princess all the time. Desired by people and you can have everything that you want just by saying it out.

I know, different people have a different capacity to hold stresses and stuff. I've tried to understand you for a long time. But I just can't anymore because it really get on my nerves -_-

I am very sorry. I was supposed to be the usual me, that one friend who will surrender to grant her friend's wishes, that one friend who'd leave all her works behind just to get to her depressed friends for some consoling session and stuff. But that was the old me.

The new me know about self worth. The new me point out exactly what she want, and she value herself more than everything. And won't feel guilty about it at all. Because I just love myself.
So, lets just suck things up adn get along with life.

Cheers!

#InLoveWithMyself
#IhatePeople
#NotaPeoplePleaserAnymore

Moving On day 33

Its been 33 days since the moving on phase started. What I feel now? Is neutral.
It still hurts. But at least it is not that bad anymore. At least I can watch that person in a 'normal' kind of way now.

Less than 2 weeks, I believed things will turn cold again.
Before that time comes, I shall get prepared and be cold. Yeap. Be cold.
I know its cruel. But at least this time, I've shield myself from getting hurt.
I want to love myself ^_^

#bai

back to december.

Well..after a few days, I am back, again.haha

The heartbreak?
I'm over it now. Maybe not completely 100% moved on yet, but at least, I am OK.
Things become normal between us.
But if you ask, yes. I still hope I can go back to December and change everything -_-
The regret though~hmmm

anyway, its a bz life lately. But here I am, taking time and do stuff very slow.
Please pardon my slow-ness.lol
But I hope I can do all my work perfectly!

Pray for me!

#bye

Not everyday is a day where you can run under the bright sky

Some other days, there are storm and all you can do is keep yourself inside.
Safe from the rain and storm.

I've tried my hardest to forget about that one person and eventually did.
It wasn't so hard anymore. But, now I feel lonely and empty inside,

Its sad when we no longer have that long conversation at night before sleep.
When you no longer concern towards my health and etc.
Sounds like a very selfish relationship?
Well, I am that demanding.

Dear future person,
Please remember this, I am a demanding person.lol

Got to find a distraction for myself very soon!

#movingonday## #causeIdontcareanymore #lulz

#movingon #day11

Its been 11 days since I've got my heart broke.lol
and it hurts a lot the first week. But I managed to get a hold of myself.
Finally, last sunday, I've decided to let it all go and be free.

Monday, when he called, I don't feel anything superior like before anymore.
I am happier and felt free that he didn't affect me that much anymore.
Tuesday, which is today, about 20% of the old feelings came back.
But I refuse to accept the fact.

I am stronger than this.
Never again I will fall for you.
Never again I will hold any romantic feelings towards you.
Because every time the old feeling came creeping back inside of me, you always decided to be a jerk and do something that would eventually hurt me.

I guess, I am more free than before. From the feeling, your shadow and you.
So, I want to be happier and forgot about you as much as I can.
Lets just stay as friend then ^_^

Now, I want to focus on my study and fall in love with my work.
Cheers and good luck to me! :D

#movingonday11
#counting

Our heart is not that bright, that is why we have our brain.

I don't usually fall in love,
but when I do, it's with an asshole, jerk and unemotional guy who changed heart very quick.
That is why, I don't do the 'falling in love' stuff.
I don't want to lose my composition. As if I am cool enough with the 'composition' that I have now. lol
Because I know, the outcomes of that 'falling in love' stuff will not be pretty.
You know what you'll end up with when you're wasting your heart and love? Yes, pain and heartbreak.

You might experienced somewhat of a bursting heart, constant happiness and smile and you'll feel like everything move in a slow motion when you're in love. But during the heartbreak, you'll see everything in black and white, everything is just dull no matter what you do. Even your favorite sitcom isn't helping, your favorite food will taste like crap and you refuse to talk (even if you're a talkative type) to anyone, and you know what? You will feel like crying all the time. You heart feel like it was stabbed a million times and its like someone or something is constantly compressing your heart inside. Yes, it hurts like that. Actually, its hurt a lot.

You'll find yourself listening to Taylor Swift's song and other heartbroken song too.haha

So....I don't do the 'fall in love' stuff. I guess?
But I am just a human, I can't really control my feelings. So, instead of falling hard, I put a boundary to make sure that even if I fall, I won't fall too deep to climb my way back up. So that at least I can still see some light.

So, teenagers, girls, woman, when you want to fall, don't fall too deep. Cheers.

Good Morning by the way!

#comingback

Good Morning Baltimore

Well..thats just a song title up there.lol
Its been a while, again, since my last post.

Im thinking of coming back and write regularly just to kill time and bored-ness (if you know what I mean). But we'll see later.

Lot of thing happened lately. and July definitely not a good month.
Its rather an emotional and painful month. My usual self will shut down and turn off every time July came. Wanna know why? Maybe later.hohoho

Anyway, good morning and have a nice day! ^^

How to get a hold of everything all at once?

I am back. Assalamualaikum.

As the title said, I am facing that kind of problem right now.
What do you do when you're expected to be able to do (and excel) at everything?
Managing household, work, have a higher education and what about my personal life?
I hated it when someone tries to control me.

I can say that I was forced to pursue the life I have right now? I feel like a bad person to say that. But thats the truth. And as the time goes by, I started to actually liked my current life. Then someone have to come and set a boundary for me, limiting my steps and freedom.

Its kinda stressing me out and the situation did interrupt my daily life, emotionally and mentally.
I feel like I'm constantly being a jerk towards my friends. I am very sorry for the abnormal personalities that I showed these last few weeks. I really am sorry! Things just take a toll on me I supposed. I don't know how to deal with my current situation, I don't have a place to pour everything out and its suffocating. Someone is very mad at me for my jerky attitude. I just can't find myself apologizing again for the same thing that I did. I just hope he read this.

I actually noticed that when Im in this situation, I tend to push away and hurt the people that I favor the most. I don't know why, I just did. Instinct said that I don't want to hurt them? Well, maybe. But if you feel like I've pushed you away from my life, well, you're an important person to me.

Let e just isolate myself from everything again and do some self reflection to solve my problem.
I missed sitting in my dark room alone and think about life like what I usually did back then.
Its been so long since I left that habit. I should join my demon again I supposed.

I just hope that this problem will just pass and everything will turn to normal.
Insya'Allah...

Come back home. Baby come back home!

Assalamualaikum.

Yes, as usual. I am back after being on hiatus for several week (is it a month or a few month this time? I hope its not!). and yes I have a lot of stories in store.

I've been busy with this lil-oh-not-so-secret biz that I got myself involved in.
and busy with the interviews, busy with documents handling (for my mom's company), busy with the chores, busy managing the household, this and that. In a nutshell, my energy almost drain and left empty at the end of the day. But still, its worth it.

My families being worried too much about me going to a far place and started working.
What I can say is that, almost 90% of them encourage me to further my study. It is also the first time in my life that my family set a goal for me too! and I was kind of anticipated too! and I will apply to continue my study to satisfy everyone too! (too many 'too. oh well~)

Yes, it is the very first time that my family set a goal for me.
Before this, they never asked me to get straight A's in any exam. To nail anything or accomplish anything..it's kind of funny yet give me some new vibe when they finally asked me to do something.haha
ok..I know it is not funny.

Remember about my 'fear of flying' things that I mentioned in each and every one of my previous post?
Yeah right. I am scary shit of flying right now. I have a bit of fear before the MH370 cases because of the little incident occurred during the flight. Also probably because I tried to understand the mechanical of the plane, I studied aviation a bit, history of aviation and also I learnt about the construction material of the plane. I always imagine a weird stuff though. So I should probably stop my wild imagination.
Then, come the MH17 cases. Then some few other airlines cases too. I became terrified and scared to fly now! I should probably cancel the 'Willing to travel.' in my resume too.haha

Gaza.
The war in Gaza is getting worse. The only hope that is left is Allah the Almighty.
May HE give protection, strength, iman, patient and all the good thing to the people in Gaza, Amen.

Last but not least, my mother became so very hilarious this past few months(or years..or forever).
She said she didn't want me to work at a far away place. and thet she will treat me something that I can't decline if I stay here. 'If you want to work far away from Ranau, go and get marry fast. So that I didn't have to worry anything about you, Go get married!' (thats what she said when its translated from Dusun to English). I was like... shocked, loss of words and my mouth was slightly apart trying to find the right word and tried my very best to register her order. So I play along and asked her to find a candidate instead.

Mom can get so scary sometimes you know.

Lets keep the other story and go to sleep now k.
Good night! :D

Finally GRADUATED and Transformer: Age of Extinction. HAPPY RAMADHAN ^_^

Assalamualaikum....

well..since its been so long since my last update, I have to combine all the main topic into one sentences (refer: post title).

TRANSFORMER: AGE OF EXTINCTION

it's a one hell of a movie. 3 hours long. and its worth it!!!
OMG! I can actually watch it again 4-5 times. The movie was the best and fascinating. its simply wonderful.
I know its sounds like im exaggerating but IT IS worth the few ringgit malaysia and the 3 hours of your day.
I just Love the movie. Highly recommended *thumbs up*


GRADUATED.

There's these subject that have become my enemy since last semester and I repeat the paper.
It is even harder than my final year project (probably because I hate maths. Despite all the subject in my overall coursework are related to maths.lol), and I thought that I'm gonna lose to the subject again and unable to graduate from my Bachelor Degree. Fortunately, ALHAMDULILLAH, I have met my lecturer personally to asked for my grade, and yes, I passed it! Alhamdulillah once again, I can finally announce that I am going to GRADUATE from my 4 years long of Chemical Engineering course. and currently, I am jobless. lol

I was only left with a few option by madam besar a.k.a my mum.
After a lot of consideration and reflection made, I finally decided to take thing slowly and rest for a while. I mean, managing the household and such. It is actually tiring (physically, emotionally and mentally) but, this is a part of learning. Let's embrace it. (fyi, it is easier to do some Calculus calculation than managing the household. I warned you!)

and yes. It is sad thinking about finish studying and it comes to me that I am not going to go back to that place anymore. Even if I go back, it won't be the same anymore since I've said goodbye(s) to all my precious friend. It's nice knowing them and I kinda missed the already :')

May our path cross again one fine day, my friend :)
HAPPY RAMADHAN.

It's RAMADHAN and I never being this anticipated in celebrating Ramadhan my whole existence.
It's simply fun, exciting and I am looking forward for each day of it. I simply took it as a blessing from dear Allah :)

HAPPY RAMADHAN everyone. Eat and drink reasonably! :)

Ahhh! I just remembered that I wanted to share the story about my flight KL-KK few days ago.
But i think I'll just save it for later.


Later everyone. Good night :)

I'm MUSLIM. and I am proud. I am not a terrorist. I love everyone.

My family,
Most of them are of different religions.
My best friends, soul brothers and sisters, are also of different religion.
and I love the to death ! *kissie kissie*

Today, I just want to brag about something that I kept in me for a long time now.
and it bothers me. So I decided to post in on Facebook.
1 minute later, I delete it...

Because there's a lot of people who get offended easily when it comes about religions.
So I don't want to cause chaos. So i'll just post it here. kbai

It's annoying when people keeps on complaining the 'rules & regulations' of my religion. Well, we have some 'do's and don'ts' in our religion. I bet yours have some too. We respects yours, why don't you respect ours? 

p.s.im not trying to be religion-ist here.

I wonder why do people call muslim as [insert all the bad & offensive-words here] when we tried to follow our religion rules and stand up for it.

What about you? Do you get offended when people with different religion says that your religions rules is wrong?

‪#‎no‬ ‪#‎offence‬ ‪#‎really‬ ‪#‎ohmyenglish‬ ‪#‎but‬ ‪#‎whatever‬

oh yeah..probably because of the mistake done by my muslim's brothers/sisters..ikr...

Good Night! :)

Fear of Flying. How do I get rid of it??

Assalamualaikum reader(s)!

Just reach my University (its early..i know. but duties call!hahaha), and my last semester's result are very dissapointing. What can I say...less study?lol
and since I've come back from my not-so-relaxing-holiday, I got lot of work to do in lab. I even stayed in the lab till late at night..straight until Thursday and join safety process training on Friday and Saturday.fuuuh enough?kekeke

So...let's cut the long story short!
I have this fear that I've kept for a few months now..it's the fear of flying.
I know and understand the principle of the plane and how its works very well..but I'm still scared!!
It's started on that very day where we experienced a worst turbulence and there's an emergency announcement announced (ok!confusing!!). I just thought that I am going to die that day!
But alhamdulillah...Allah gave me the chance to breath until now..until i'm 23 (motif?)...

Since that day, i've been so scared to board on a plane!
But then, all my travelling (at least 4 times per semester) requires flying on a plane (dayum!)
I've tried to calm my nerves down through the whole journey though..and divert my attention to some movies and drama provided. BUT STILL!!!!

Thank God that I manage to get a grip on myself and hold myself together from screaming out loud during the journey (or at least every time there's a turbulence).

How do I get rid of my fear?

My 2013 wishlist checker!

Assalamualaikum people!
Its been a very loooooooooong time since my last post.jyeah!
I know, right?

I've been very busy with my undergrad research and my final year project recently (or should I say, currently?)
and yeah..I'm typing this post in a very speed pace because I want to sleep at least 3.30 a.m!
I've been dealing with this insomnia for a while now..I've suffered from this insomnia thingy since I have to stay awake to do my final year project! >.<

***even remembering my final year project gave me this traumatized feeling!

It even cross my mind to just delete my dusty blog since I am  not that active anymore.but....I'm just too lazy to delete it...

Oh yeah!
2013 is coming to an end..let me list down my wishlist that I managed to get it checked up until 2013.

• Going on a holiday twice a year in a different places (bajet org kaya gitteww)
• Challenge myself with things that I thought I couldn't do
• Get the most-latest gadget (feefeeling up-to-date.haha)
• Attend a concert(it was last year actually..but, O well...and it turns out to be i am one of the 12k fans who attended Bigbang's Alive Tour concert. wehuu!the feeling! :D)
• Lose more than 10kgs of my weight (tho' I am gaining it back right now.lol)
• Travel back and forth to my hometown more than my normal 6 times a year

and I think I'm going to take some time to list down(recall) my wishlist for 2013.haha

and for 2014, my wish is...to get a boyfriend like this!

HAHAHAHA
good night everyone! :*

p.s.I have 2 weeks of study week(special case!)
so..I am currently wasting my time right now..
I wish I can get the motivation to really start on studying for my final!

***Special case: Final year, subject sikit.ehehehe

Temuduga MEDSI

Assalamualaikum peeps.
I realize that there are too many 'hit' on my MEDSI related post.
Those are written few years ago.haha

I just realize that masa-masa macam ni ialah masa student2 lepasan STPM, Matrik and Diploma mencari tempat untuk menyambung study~so I decided to help.kekeke *help la sgt kan*

Here's the link to it :
Soalan bocor MEDSI
MEDSI thingy
PETUA-PETUI TEMUDUGA MEDSI (ni kira macam TIPS ketika temuduga la. tidak semestinya temuduga MEDSI sahaja)

and fortunately, I've failed that Interview. Also failed for Maktab interview. Yes...tiada rezeki jadi seorang pendidik..YET. *masih bercita-cita untuk menjadi pendidik. mungkin akan direalisasikan selepas tamat degree?:P*

And an addition to that SOALAN BOCOR MEDSI, some of my friends was asked to dance(dance the ethnic dance in Sabah) and sang some song(dusun song) by the interviewer. By this time, never-ever complaint! NO!

and some other friend of mine was asked to pretend to be a teacher(of the subject of your choice) and was given a topic based on the subject. You will be given marker pen and a whiteboard. So be wise with the equipment given.

Last but not least, Pray.
You pass or fail, no one cares.
God must have something better for you if you fail, have faith! :)

and you know what, I have a pile of task to be done. night! ;)

Malaysia General Election 2013

Assalamualaikum people :)

5th May 2013

General Election in Malaysia

and it's my first time voting *excited*

I woke up very early, bath and pakai cantek2 *walaupun sebenarnya tidak perlu*

idk why, tp memang excited. Rasa macam saya pula yang bertanding.kekeke

Saluran 3, with nombor siri & jari yang kena calit dgn dakwat kekal yg 'kekal la sangat' kan..

I heard that the GE Ink cost about MYR 5 billion? oh..sangat rugi..

next PRU sila pakai inai saja.haha

Many things happen that day, this party said that the opposite party done this and that and vice versa.

The most famous topic for that day is about the election ink. So I've done some experiment to try the permanent-ness of the Ink. Firsly, with hand soap, nope, it faded but didnt washed away 100%. Then shower cream, nope. next, facial scrub, nope. and last but not least, hand sanitizer(by Dettol..lol). Yup, it faded a lot. But you can still spot the remaining ink(refer to the picture below). After cooking, washing dishes and all, yes, it faded almost 80%, but not completely. I still have some of the ink on my finger until now.haha.... But my big brother, the ink on his finger faded almost 95%...I wonder why..adakah lain SPR lain ink??

There's a lot other hot topic that day. But I don't believe anything unless I saw it with my own eyes or confirmed by the most reliable sources. and I am not on any side of the political party either. atas pagar bah bagus...masa mau pangkah pun sempat lagi ber-'tit tit tembaga'..so immature...I know xD

But actually, I wouldnt be atas pagar if and only if the candidates was more trustworthy. Ini tidak..semua calon sy x suka..memang next PRU sy mau ikut bertanding la *dreaming* ...anyway..I've made up my mind and ready for the next PRU. and I've decided which political party I'm going to support :)

Congrats for the winner tho. Here we go again, leading the normal life. Let's just hope that this time, the gov will be better & fair :)

#Sebelum kita mengubah benda lain, ubahlah diri kita sendiri dulu. Selamat malam :)

My last post.

Few people mistaken my last post as full-of-vain post.haha
Things that I wanted to tell people are simple,

WHEN WE'RE BLESSED & FORTUNATE,
BE GOOD & GRATEFUL. DON'T LOOK DOWN ON UNFORTUNATE PEOPLE.

as simple as that.
night peeps! :D

Mentally(retarded) exhausted.

Greetings peeps!

Have you tried mentally exhausted before?
Yes. It is not a food and does not taste good either.

I am so very tired today!

It might be due to no-stop Test coming. I have a test on last Thursday(the first test), I have another Test on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday this week. Plus, a quiz on Monday evening. pheww~ I am so glad that it all ended(I wish it all ended very well too, aminnn).

Although my face may look calm and cool for the test, inside, I almost crumble and give up. Thank God I didn't. haha

Even my friend was afraid looking at my face in the last class just now. We're having trouble calculating this and that. and our lecturer keep on giving us his answer which is different than our answer. It's frustrating you know!

I am so tired and needed sleep right now, walaupun I've slept more than 7 hours today.haha

There's a burger on my left on keropok lekor on my right, so why don't we go for a movie or 2, right?

When I Google image for 'Mentally Exhausted', this oppa came out. Mucho gusto! :D

#movie!

I am Forever Alone

Assalamualaikum :)

People that have my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram might always seen me uploading the picture of my pet cat (pet dog pun ada, tp blum pernah upload. will upload 'em very soon :P) and must be wondering, 'why the he** is she always uploading those pet of hers picture?' when other people usually upload their family, boyfriend, friends and their own picture.

Let me confess, at home, everyone was busy working. During holiday, I go home, but I am all alone, staying at home with all the pet. I have no one to talk to (but I actually talked to my pet) and that is why you'll find me very silent. I am a very silent person, unless you're a friend of mine, or a crazy person. If you are those stated, then I will be the one who's talking bla bla bla...

Walaupun selalu sendiri di rumah, I am still want to go back home!biar la lonely2, yang penting happy!
Kesian kan hidup saya? I have no one to talk to, I usually cooked and have lunch alone, tengok TV pun sendiri. But that doesn't change my relationship with my family. When they come home, we will have this very looooong conversation, fighting about the show on TV and taking notes of their comment on the food that I cook.

Still wondering why I kept on posting my pet pictures on Fb, twitter & Insta?

#nyte