how it feels when my mom passed away

I just realised that I had a draft dated back to a year and a half before.

Deciding to encourage myself to polish my writing skills by forcing myself to update on this ol dusty blog that might not have any readers anymore lol 

My mom passed away on the 8th of April, 2018.

The reason? Actually, I have an unpublished post in my Draft.

It is also the reason for my awareness of health and to not to take any meds/supplements without

consultations from the Drs.

My mom was 64 years old when she passed away. Its true that our death, caused, and time are unexpected and when it comes, there's nothing you can do except for asking dear God for strength.

Its almost a month since my mom, the love of my life passed away, and since then, I don't have much energy left in me, my body felt really weak and restless, my tastebud didn't cooperate with me too.

I can only taste salty, sweets, sour, spicy, and that of basic tastes, but no detail taste for foods.

I don't feel like working too, I've been spending my time in my room.

I just realize that, having too much of my own 'me time' is not for me.

Before she passed away, I never slept in my own room anymore (for almost 3 years?), I spent my time tending to her needs and taking care of her. I sometimes spent a few nights (longest was 2 weeks) in the hospital ward during her admission and sometimes wondered, how do I cope with this? How do I finish my master degree if its like this? But I managed somehow. Oh those what ifs that I often had before.

So went back and fro from KK to Ranau, sacrifices formal events just to be at home with her. I admit that I missed out a lot, but what are the meaning of me joining things here and there when my mom was suffering in pain at home. I'd rather spent my 24 hours, every day, with her. So, when she passes away, I felt grateful that I sacrificed my time and allocated them for her. My heart and my head felt really light, no regrets. And I am glad that I missed out a lot in social events because then, I'll feel miserable if I didn't. Now, if I were given a chance to spend more time with my mom, taking care and tend to her needs, I won't ever complain!

Too much of a 'me time' is no fun at all!

I missed my mom so much, I want to hear her voice so bad, I want to cook for her, feed her, bath her, do laundry for her, groceries shopping with her, listen to her nagging and complaining of how I am incapable of completing simple house chores nicely like she did. I would give up everything just to have all that right now. Oh how much I missed complaining about how heavy her shopping bags were whenever we went shopping.haha

I can still take me back to those days where weekends means waking up in the early morning and watch cartoons, feeling all safe knowing that my mom is in the kitchen. Where I was awoken by my mom's nag and complaints of how much I slept. Sometimes I can still hear her soft humming of her idk maybe fav songs, from the kitchen, travel through the living room, into my bedroom. the smells of her cooking although it was just a simple nasi goreng, or kuih tepung. Walking to the kitchen knowing that there is a cup of hot milo, made just for me. I can still imagine the warmness of my house during those days. I wonder when will I ever forget that feelings.

For now I am trying very hard to accept everything and keeping myself sane, though I'd say that I am hanging on a thread for I sometimes think irrationally when I had flashback of my time with my mom.

Regrets? I have many. But I know, there's nothing we can do.

Only prayers and faith in Allah, that we will all gather once again in heaven, jannah, paradise or whatever it is people called it. Soon in the afterlife. Insya'Allah. 

Come back home. Baby come back home!

Assalamualaikum.

Yes, as usual. I am back after being on hiatus for several week (is it a month or a few month this time? I hope its not!). and yes I have a lot of stories in store.

I've been busy with this lil-oh-not-so-secret biz that I got myself involved in.
and busy with the interviews, busy with documents handling (for my mom's company), busy with the chores, busy managing the household, this and that. In a nutshell, my energy almost drain and left empty at the end of the day. But still, its worth it.

My families being worried too much about me going to a far place and started working.
What I can say is that, almost 90% of them encourage me to further my study. It is also the first time in my life that my family set a goal for me too! and I was kind of anticipated too! and I will apply to continue my study to satisfy everyone too! (too many 'too. oh well~)

Yes, it is the very first time that my family set a goal for me.
Before this, they never asked me to get straight A's in any exam. To nail anything or accomplish anything..it's kind of funny yet give me some new vibe when they finally asked me to do something.haha
ok..I know it is not funny.

Remember about my 'fear of flying' things that I mentioned in each and every one of my previous post?
Yeah right. I am scary shit of flying right now. I have a bit of fear before the MH370 cases because of the little incident occurred during the flight. Also probably because I tried to understand the mechanical of the plane, I studied aviation a bit, history of aviation and also I learnt about the construction material of the plane. I always imagine a weird stuff though. So I should probably stop my wild imagination.
Then, come the MH17 cases. Then some few other airlines cases too. I became terrified and scared to fly now! I should probably cancel the 'Willing to travel.' in my resume too.haha

Gaza.
The war in Gaza is getting worse. The only hope that is left is Allah the Almighty.
May HE give protection, strength, iman, patient and all the good thing to the people in Gaza, Amen.

Last but not least, my mother became so very hilarious this past few months(or years..or forever).
She said she didn't want me to work at a far away place. and thet she will treat me something that I can't decline if I stay here. 'If you want to work far away from Ranau, go and get marry fast. So that I didn't have to worry anything about you, Go get married!' (thats what she said when its translated from Dusun to English). I was like... shocked, loss of words and my mouth was slightly apart trying to find the right word and tried my very best to register her order. So I play along and asked her to find a candidate instead.

Mom can get so scary sometimes you know.

Lets keep the other story and go to sleep now k.
Good night! :D

All well ends well. and my elder brother was a husband :)

Assalamualaikum....

It's been a VERY while since my last update.lol

Lazy+busy. what else can knock those 2 down?haha

I almost have these mental breakdown facing the stuff assigned to us

with the worse team member, very limited time...test here and there and research ppresentation..I don't know how to sleep or breath or eat anymore...walaupun makan sebenarnya cukup seja.hahaha

and it still giving me the stress feeling right now bila ingat2 balik!

PD!WHY SO CRUELLL!!! 

Anyway!

Midsem break, seperti biasa, I go back home and..... My big brother is finally married to his fiance.

Semoga berbahagia sehingga ke anak cucu for them. and semoga cepat2 bagi saya anak buah :D

amiiiin....

The day of akad nikohhh

Senyum nampak..padahal begagar.lol

and this is during the majlis sanding. mi mama pigi kiss2 the groom and the bride.

and this is me, mikirayou + modeled for the Honda car behind me with my old sandals
sebab wedges mahal + gojes telupa bawa.punya la dem tu perasaan masa tu!

Majlis potong kek. baiklah..kualiti gambar kurang elok. maklumlah pakai mobile phone saja..
mana bleh tanding DSLR DSLR yg ada pada hari itu :(

The groom and the bride kena paksa dancing..dancing tp karas a.lol

Heyy! Ssup! :3

Let the picture tell the whole story k..
sebab sampai sekarang saya masih malas menulis.
Kbai...assalamualaikum :)

20th July 2013

Happy 18th Birthday.
It's been a while, 5 years maybe?
and We're still missing you

Rest in Peace :')

The Awkward Moments when...

The awkward moments when I don't even greet with 'Assalamualaikum'.haha

I am me.
and if being 'me' upset YOU, get a life.
I know I am annoying and sometime very b****. But hel* I care. As long as I know the limit, I think I am fine.

No, don't tell me to do everything that I want.
Because sometimes, that everything is the one that make our life go wrong, and in the end, we will keep on asking ourselves, why bad things happened to us.

I know you're annoyed and mad. But..that is just me. I am not born to impress you.
If you can't accept me for who I am, then you should stop acting like you didn't.

Mid sem break is over. Going back on Sunday. Hadn't done any of my assignment cause I am planning to cram my head in my hostel. Going to have a test on the second week after holiday and blah blah blah

eh..mau layan kesedihan meninggalkan rumah jap.babai!
mari tgk matluthfi! :D

I am Forever Alone

Assalamualaikum :)

People that have my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram might always seen me uploading the picture of my pet cat (pet dog pun ada, tp blum pernah upload. will upload 'em very soon :P) and must be wondering, 'why the he** is she always uploading those pet of hers picture?' when other people usually upload their family, boyfriend, friends and their own picture.

Let me confess, at home, everyone was busy working. During holiday, I go home, but I am all alone, staying at home with all the pet. I have no one to talk to (but I actually talked to my pet) and that is why you'll find me very silent. I am a very silent person, unless you're a friend of mine, or a crazy person. If you are those stated, then I will be the one who's talking bla bla bla...

Walaupun selalu sendiri di rumah, I am still want to go back home!biar la lonely2, yang penting happy!
Kesian kan hidup saya? I have no one to talk to, I usually cooked and have lunch alone, tengok TV pun sendiri. But that doesn't change my relationship with my family. When they come home, we will have this very looooong conversation, fighting about the show on TV and taking notes of their comment on the food that I cook.

Still wondering why I kept on posting my pet pictures on Fb, twitter & Insta?

#nyte

Wonderful Holiday

Assalamualaikum peeps :)

Sudah hampir satu bulan saya bercuti (cuti sem) and a lot of things had happened. Happy stuff mostly :)

First of all, umur saya berganjak lebih tua this Feb. I am 22 yo already. I know it sound old, but I am forever young :P

and then, I owned a few very cute kittens. sangat comel dan adorable!

walaupun suda kena booking untuk adoption, but at least I got the chance untuk bermanja-manja & bermain bersama mereka :3

After that, my family (my mum, me & my siblings, in-law, niece and nephew) having a vacation(can I call it vacation? it is more like a trip) for 3 days and 2 nights to Tawau. I never expected it would be that good. It's nice having your close family around. Even if you're not that close with them. But it feels good anyway :)

 My big family. and everyone is BIG :P

I managed to hangout with some of my besties. This guy right here, I haven't met him for..like..3 years maybe?

and those girls on my left, was my long lost girlfriends. I haven't meet them for almost 2 to 3 years. and damn, I missed them so much.

Although it's been a while since we hangout together, but it didn't feel awkward. It's just comfortable and I can be me and they're still them that I know :)

and finally, exam result is out.
I am thankful with the result. It is worth the suffering. walaupun sebenarnya turun sikit compared to last semester's GPA. No dissapointment. Just that, saya kurang berpuas hati dengan result sesetengah orang yang...... owh..let's just forget about it. Allah know the best! :)

Let's keep working hard for the future!
p.s.I hadn't renew my driving lisence, I hadn't had the chance to visit the dentist and...apa lagi?

3 more days, I am going back to the land of war. isk :(
Dear Allah, please guide me through the dark and hard part. amin...

The BEST last Jumaat of 2012

Alhamdulillah.
Today is the last Jumaat of 2012. and Alhamdulillah, Allah the Almighty gave us the chances to breath and repent. Alhamdulillah Praise to Allah :)

As the last Jumaat for 2012, this is one of the best ever happened to me.
Allah has granted me my Doa. I just can't thanked HIM enough for the love he has given me & my family.

I am not perfect. I am full of flaw, but thank you Allah, for loving me anyway.

Insya'Allah.
God is good, so be good :)

# Salam Jumaat everyone. Have a blast Jumaat :)

Dying is not an option.

Dying is an option. For stupid people.
They choose to end their life just like that rather than choose to face their problem.
For some people, they are afraid of death. Me for example.
I avoid those dangerous activities. I don't even drive because i'm traumatized.

Sacred of death. The never-enough good deed is one thing. The other thing was afraid of what might happen. I always think like this, 'If I am dead, what's going to happen to my family? They will definitely be very sad and it hurts.'

I understand the feelings when we lost the person we love the most. The person we were closed with.
I understand that. It hurts so bad. It hurts until you feel like you're wants to yell & scream & release your anger at you don't know who or what. I've experienced a few big lost in my life. It is not easy. It took me forever to erase the sadness. Even until now, I might laugh a lot, smile a lot and act normal, but deep inside, I am still crying & hurting for the lost of my father and my dearest sister.

Those who never experienced this might be sad as well, seeing their friends facing this problem. But it is not the same. Every time I got a friend who lost their family members, I will keep myself shut, I didn't dare to look them at their eyes, and I listen to whatever they may confessed. Because that is the least I think I can do.

Today, I received this heartbreaking news that one of my friends, my late sister bestfriends, my cousin, lost their father. Condolence to her whole family. Semoga arwah ditempatkan dalam golongan org2 yang beriman.amin......

Jealousy

Jealousy.
A term that makes war possible.
Term that can cause chaos even in a family.
But a real F.A.M.I.L.Y should not do bad things to their family. Even if they're jealous. or super jealous. or extra super duper jealous.

Just received a news today, that someone did a VERY BAD THINGS to my mum.
and that 'someone' was supposed to be my auntie.
Ah...I really should've believe my instinct as it is always true every time I judge people!
That-so-called aunt of mine dare to act all sweet in front of me after all she did.
Now, everyone knows the truth, so, dear bastard-auntie, try to act all sweet to me after this...and I am going to be extra 'sweet' to you.

Just a warm reminder for you, if I see you around me, or in the range of a visible distance from my family,
AKU TUMBUK KAU! 

Tell me. Is it really necessary to use all those black magic because of jealousy?
If my mum was sick, then what? What will you do next?
Thanks to dear Allah, for giving us the patience all this time.
If I were YOU, I will definitely took a revenge and send an EFFECTIVE MAGIC SPELL to you.
But NO, thanks to dear Allah, for always guiding us(my family & I) towards the right way.

I even considered to put you pictures all over the internet!
I even still considering it now!
BASTARD!

AKU TUMBUK KAU! 

and I am never this serious when I mention about punching you!

Now everyone knows that my mum suffered from this black magic stuff.
and I always believed that dear Allah must've set something good behind everything that has happened to my family. I just wish that dear Allah will keep us strong & tough enough to face things in the future. amin...

Dear people, if you're jealous of someone else achievement, work harder!
But don't hurt those innocent people.
Please la~pakai otak sikit tidak salah kan?

I'm ending my anger-post here.
Assalamualaikum peeps ;)

Mother's cooking is always the best. I never mention about it.

Yes. I never say those words.

It is not because my mom can't cook. She is the champion in cooking arena(chewaaah~arena.hahaha) , especially kuih-muih. It's just that, she rarely cook.

Being 41 years old, substitute the role of the head of the family (when my father pass away),

it's hard for her to stick around at home and do nothing. She got to work hard to feed us, he children.

To ensure we have better life, she decided to go on a hard & rocky way. She's taking the risk to try business. Something that she never even think of before (fyi, my mother is a teacher, dulu la...)

She always said this,

"kalau dulu masa mama masih kecil, semua orang hina keluarga mama miskin, makan pun cukup-cukup. Kadang2 makan ubi. Jadi, kalau boleh, sekarang mama mau tengok anak-anak mama makan lagi bagus dari anak-anak orang lain"

It really touched me when she said those word. When she tell me about her childhood, I feel like killing all the people who have insulted my mom and her family. 

That is the driving force for my mom to enter a new life. Alhamdulillah, Allah is always by our sides. Walaupun HE takes the precious part of our family here and there, yet, I will never said 'Life is UNFAIR'. Despite the bitter-ness thet HE gave us, HE never forget to gave us adequate sweetness that we cannot even mention how sweet it was. Thank You Allah.

Oh...where I was just now? 

Ok. My mom rarely cook because she have a responsibilities that causes her to be away from home, always.

So, my big brother took her place as the cooker. Walaupun sekarang, I think I cook better than him(haha), I am still so thankful that I have a responsible brothers to look after their youngers and take care of each other, walaupun selalu gaduh~haha

In a nutshell, mama saya jarang masak. Tapi bila dia masak, I eat like there's no tomorrow! :D 

Kenal benda ni? Yay! benda paling hot di pasaran. DURIAN CREPE.

Gila bapak mahal harga dia, yg besar2 macam dalam gambar di atas RM10-3 ketul, kalo kecik2 RM10-6 ketul. Saya sudah beli, tapi belum makan. Jap lagi makan. Mahal kan?

I think I need to learn how to make Durian Crepe. nanti boleh ajak satu kampung makan. Dengan syarat, orang-orang kampung kena derma durian la :D:D:D

# Semakin dekat hari OR (Open Ragistration) semakin berdebar-debar rasanya~

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir & Batin

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN.

Pejam-celik-pejam-celik, x sangka Ramadhan sudah berlalu & Syawal menjelma.

Pejam-celik-pejam-celik, Syawal pun mula beransur pergi meninggalkan kita.

Tanpa kita sedari, tahun 2012 yang rasanya kita baru sambut 'New Year' nya dulu, sudah menghampiri bulan Disember, iaitu bulan terakhir dalam setahun. Cepat kan masa berlalu? Sediakah kita?hehe

My family & friends during Hari Raya.

Raya tahun ni best sikit. Sebab banyak jumpa family dekat & jauh:)
Yang lucunya, tiap kali salam orang, sepatutnya wish 'Selamat Hari Raya', saya pula selalu tersasul wish
'Happy Birthday'.haha
Kepada sesiapa yang kena 'Happy Birthday' sama saya tu, sorry a.kekeke

Ok.  ROGER & OUT!

todo sucede por una razón

Assalamualaikum & Greeting!

'todo sucede por una razón'

Its a Spanish words. It mean 'Everything happens for a reason'.

I am not sure whether there is some other correct words that they use for the quote(its a quote bah kan?)

and 'Sucede' is a new word for me. I learnt it from Asian Food Channel on Astro (Channel 703).haha

Everything MAYBE happen for a reason, but I am so tired of wondering the reason.

I am so nervous these past few days... And I always have this feeling of waiting. Waiting for what? That's remain unknown.

I hope it is a good thing. My writing always come and crash back at me... I remember writing something sounds like 'Bored of my ordinary life. I am waiting my life to be extraordinary!' few years ago..and pooof! My life turned 180 degree and change 100%.  and I hated my extraordinary life until now.

I don't want my life to be MORE SUPER EXTRAORDINARY.

Help me....dear Allah.

Holiday!

Assalamualaikum & a good days!:D

It's been 2 weeks since I'm home and a lot of things had happened.

First, I finally got my Honey (and will love my Honey)!

I used all of my money to get it(of course supported by my Mom siiiikit.hee)

Now, saya sedang pokai sepokai pokainya.dang! (p.s.yang penting puas hati?)

hmm...I think I just need one more thing, and it'll be my Sweetheart.(kalo Mama & the brothers tau pasal impian 'Sweetheart' ni, memang pening kepala semua dorang.hehehehehe)

This was taken by my Honey :D

and I hangout with my BFF walaupun 4 orang saja yang available:)

Next, my cousin, which is younger than me is going to get engaged!grrrrrr....

maju budak-budak sekarang ni kan.hmm...

p.s.saya bila mo betunang ni??xD

The most important thing is,

It's been a while since I stopped with my Atkins Diet!

This is due to my blood pressure problem. hoi...bukan tinggi darah ok. tp rendah sangat-sangat dan tidak sesuai untuk mengamalkan Atkins. so sad...Ingatkan by Hari Raya bole la beraya dengan badan yang kurus.isk:'(

and right now, update-update blog tapi sebenarnya ada banyak task yang sedang queue. Semuanya sedang menunggu giliran untuk disiapkan tapi tetap diberikan alasan yang sama dari beta iaitu, 'besok la sy buat'.hehehehe

tugas saya sekarang, online sampai game Spain vs. Italy start pastu kejut satu rumah.dem.tapi xpa..

yang penting, dpt tgk Spain menang(fuuuh..confident gila)

dengar kabar next week result exam keluar.pergh!takut sikit.lalalalala.....

The tree, the boy and the parents

The GIVING TREE?

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow.. he loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by.. the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad. ‘Come and play with me’ the tree asked the boy. ‘I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more’ the boy replied. ‘I want toys. I need money to buy them.’ ‘Sorry, but I do not have money.. but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money.’ The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited ‘Come and play with me’ the tree said. ‘I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?” Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house.’ So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. ‘Come and play with me!’ the tree said. ‘I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?’ said the man. ‘Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy.’ So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. ‘Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you’ the tree said. ‘No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite’ the man replied. ‘No more trunk for you to climb on’ the tree said. ‘I am too old for that now’ the man said. ‘I really cannot give you anything.. the only thing left is my dying roots’ the tree said with tears. ‘I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years’ the man replied. ‘Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, Come, come sit down with me and rest.’ The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears..

Moral-The tree is like our parents. When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad.. When we grow up, we leave them.. only come to them when we need something or when we are in trouble. No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could just to make you happy. You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how all of us treat our parents. Appreciate all they do for u before it’s too late. Love your parents, no matter where they are.

#kopipes from FB.

It's just a ring, at the other end.

I made a call to Sabah just now. My home to be exact!hehe
My mom's getting better. and that's a big relief.
Feel so free and I can feel the weight on my shoulder was gone.

Oh..did I ever mention about my mom unwell-ness? never. But she's alright now. That's enough to make me happy. However, I would like to thanks to the 'few-jealous-people' who manage to did those stuff and hurt my mom. I wish you ALL THE BEST in your life. p.s.no hard feeling, OK.

So now, everything was fine again. and I don't have anythig to write. kbai!
I can't wait to go home! I miss everything! My kitten mesti sudah besar sekarang..hmmmm...

Leaving on a jet plane.

Greeting Earthlings!

Ahai~mengada sungguh title atas tu~padahal balik kampus lewat.
But I think you know the feeling when you have to leave your home & your family again kan?
4 bulan++ bah tu tidak balik!

I will definitely miss the moment at home!
Today, all of my big brothers was home. So, we cook together.
It was our tradition actually, we cook, mess the kitchen up and get some-two scold from my mom.
dan we will taste each others recipe and argue. 'you should put some bla..bla..bla...', 'you shouldn't cook it like this because yadda..yadda...yadda...' and etc...

This evening, we prepared dinner together. Dan my big brother bajet Masterchef, buat stik daging~keh3
Me, xmau kalah, masak ayam panggang..yiehaa~Super Duper Kenyang sampai sekarang :D * :D indicates happy feelings.hahaha*

and in the end, mestilah saya juga yang mengemas dapur kan T___T
My flight is on Monday, but I am already HOMESICK!
Miss my Home!
Miss my Mom!
Miss my Pet!
Miss my Fanily!!

Cepatlah habis semester 4!!!*walaupun Sem 4 belum start*

#This new semester, I have to wake up early everyday. My class will start at 8 a.m. EVERYDAY!

I Loike!

Greeting Earthlings!

Nah~hambik sejibik.

Nak kasik penghargaan jugak kat manusia-manusia yang memang rajin menghantar I pegi

airport hari tu~hohoho

The view from inside the plane.

Oh..saya memang suka memasang alat-alat elektronik ketika berada dalam kapal :)

p.s.jgn ada Pilot membebel kat sini sudeey~

The Cat(s).

Oh I miss my tayik-cicak cat:)

beliau sudah besar sekarang. dan semakin kerek. suara pun kemain lagi...mampu menandingi  amplitude suara tuan dia yg sedang membebel. Kucing kecik tu ialah kitten. Hari tu ada orang mau adopt. tapi orang tu belum claim kitten ni. Mama pun semakin suka dengan beliau(sebab bersih kena kasik mandi). tidak jadi bagi orang boleh?:) err....CONFIRM BAPA & ANAK!!!

I've sent my proposal to go to Labuan for holiday.
and my Mama just gave me a green light, begitu juga denga orang-orang atasan yang lain.yieehaa!:D
and something BETTER is about to come. I Loike!

#nyte!

Married?

Greeting Earthlings!

I'm home. Met my pet and my new kitten. Which I haven't think of nickname for 'em yet. Unfortunately, there's someone ask for the kitten just now(this afternoon), and I said yes.  She took 2 out of 3 of my kitten. and I am all teary when she does. But it's OK. because I don't think I can handle all 5 cat. and I don't think my mom and my big brothers can handle all my pet cat, once I'm returning to Pahang(which is in a few more weeks*heavy sigh*).

UNFORTUNATELY...again. There's a kid(in my village), beg for the kitten. THE LAST KITTEN!

p.s.baru saja terfikir mau bagi nama Kiko!!!!*saya tau la kitten saya comel-comel!* 

My mom ask me to let go and so does my brother.  So, being the generous me, I said YES.*puji diri sat*...esok, I have to say goodbye to my last kitten. Simpan nama Kiko untuk my next pet :'(

I am finally home! I can't believe this!*saja start balik utk melupakan ke-emo-an* 

My first day at home was hectic. I have to kemas-kemas rumah. What I mean by 'kemas-kemas' was a real KEMAS-KEMAS! Rumah sangat bersepah. Bukan sebab orang-orang di rumah malas kemas rumah. Tapi, starting this year, my mom and my big brothers will be extremely busy. They don't have time to kemas-kemas rumah yang disepahkan oleh anak-anak kucing tadi. This is actually why I'm giving the kitten up. I don't want to burden my family :(

A maid? err...we used to have one. 'Tapi since you're not home, so there's no use for a maid' my mom said this to me. Kejam kan?hahaha

Dear Mama,

Can't you see how your daughter changed?

I am mature enough ok. I do all the house chores. I cook. I wash. I do the dishes. and clean all the unclean. Mature kan?:) oh...most importantly, I stopped fighting with my big brothers. My big brother beli burger petang tadi, dia beli 3. One for me, one for him and the last one for our brother. He hasn't ate his yet. So I sms-es him.

Me : Burger ko blum makan. sana atas meja.

Bro : makan la.

Me : xmau...

Bro : ok...

hahahahahahahaha

mesti kau terkejut bukan? kalau dulu, saya tidak sekali-kali pernah tolak bila kena bagi makanan. see...mature kan?*entah apa kaitan mature & tidak makan burger extra*

at home, I look like a mess.*see the picture below?*

I look worse than this... with the vacuum cleaner, mop dan sebagainya di tangan. pastu with my  messy hair, baju macam apa tah, berjalan-jalan di sekitar rumah kemas itu ini sambil melalak-membebel-dsbg...mesti semua orang tkejut kan.. mesti semua orang fikir mak lampir mana sesat ni..hihihi

we're having a really looooong conversation last night.

Tiba-tiba sentuh hal 'married'. My mom said, 'You should accept the proposal from *tut*, his parents said

they wont accept anyone else. But they like it if their daughter-in-law was you.'*ada nada-nada sarcastic sikit*

ME? MARRIED?No!*not yet* Geli ok!  eee...mama ni pun...kawin betul-betul kang, nangis guling-guling pulak mama nanti..ish..

p.s.eh..ada greenlight dari family. boleh kahwin la ni kan?xD

by the way, my blog title tu saja mau mengada-ngada. tiada kaitan pun sbnrnya...miaaahahahahaha

oh...the holiday! the survivors!

I am so busy to think about holiday. Can we postponed 'em to the next holiday?*the 3 months holiday*

p.s.memang saja mau kena bunuh saya ni...

Or maybe we can just replace 'em with lunch at my place? I promise I'll cook something good? err....nevermind it!:P

I HOPE, THE NEW OWNER OF MY KITTEN WAS A NICE PERSON!

TREAT THEM NICE PLEASE!!

My mother is the best!

oh..akhir-akhir ini sangat rajin pulak apdet belog.

nampak sangat bz + byk kerja + stress. tu yg rajin semacam tu.

taktik melarikan diri la katakan:P

hari ni baru sy perasan.

each time saya depressed. stressed & feel down.

tiba-tiba henpongg akan berbunyik

*Just dance~Gonna be ok..dadat dodoot* <-ringtone saya.

Mak akan kol saya.

macamana dia tau saya stress pun saya xtau.

yang penting dia akan borak dgn saya lama gila. ketawa-ketawa.

pastu datang la balik MOOD saya.

oh. I just LOVE you Mom!

You're the best! thx for cheer-ing me up!:D

I miss you! :')

p.s.lepas makan ubat, mesti tidur. nanti mabuk ubat sapa susah???