Moving on day 42

It was supposed to be day 42 since I finally move on.
But, the feelings came back.
Because I absent-mindedly try dipping my toes in the same lake and taste the water.
That's what you get for trying the same thing that you've known would hurt you again, twice Ula!

But, ever heard of the advises the brain kept on giving the heart?
Why? Because the heart are stupid. The heart never really give up on those things called feelings.
That is why, I hated myself.

I want to continue to move on.
Let's do it!
I can do it!!!

#morning #ramblings

Moving On day 33

Its been 33 days since the moving on phase started. What I feel now? Is neutral.
It still hurts. But at least it is not that bad anymore. At least I can watch that person in a 'normal' kind of way now.

Less than 2 weeks, I believed things will turn cold again.
Before that time comes, I shall get prepared and be cold. Yeap. Be cold.
I know its cruel. But at least this time, I've shield myself from getting hurt.
I want to love myself ^_^

#bai

back to december.

Well..after a few days, I am back, again.haha

The heartbreak?
I'm over it now. Maybe not completely 100% moved on yet, but at least, I am OK.
Things become normal between us.
But if you ask, yes. I still hope I can go back to December and change everything -_-
The regret though~hmmm

anyway, its a bz life lately. But here I am, taking time and do stuff very slow.
Please pardon my slow-ness.lol
But I hope I can do all my work perfectly!

Pray for me!

#bye

Not everyday is a day where you can run under the bright sky

Some other days, there are storm and all you can do is keep yourself inside.
Safe from the rain and storm.

I've tried my hardest to forget about that one person and eventually did.
It wasn't so hard anymore. But, now I feel lonely and empty inside,

Its sad when we no longer have that long conversation at night before sleep.
When you no longer concern towards my health and etc.
Sounds like a very selfish relationship?
Well, I am that demanding.

Dear future person,
Please remember this, I am a demanding person.lol

Got to find a distraction for myself very soon!

#movingonday## #causeIdontcareanymore #lulz

I am super tired

What else I can say? I'm tired. Tired of thinking and wondering.lol
What should I do next?
Is this worth it?
Will I sit down crying and regret everything that I did now, 10 years later?

I just want a normal happy life.
I want my life back.
The life that don't have anyone in it except me and my family.
Can I just go back to December and change everything?
Maybe back then, I should just be indifferent towards everything and concentrate more on myself?

Oh how I wish I have magic power to turn everything into whatever I want and even turn back the time. I wish.

Enough said. Bye :D

#movingon #day11

Its been 11 days since I've got my heart broke.lol
and it hurts a lot the first week. But I managed to get a hold of myself.
Finally, last sunday, I've decided to let it all go and be free.

Monday, when he called, I don't feel anything superior like before anymore.
I am happier and felt free that he didn't affect me that much anymore.
Tuesday, which is today, about 20% of the old feelings came back.
But I refuse to accept the fact.

I am stronger than this.
Never again I will fall for you.
Never again I will hold any romantic feelings towards you.
Because every time the old feeling came creeping back inside of me, you always decided to be a jerk and do something that would eventually hurt me.

I guess, I am more free than before. From the feeling, your shadow and you.
So, I want to be happier and forgot about you as much as I can.
Lets just stay as friend then ^_^

Now, I want to focus on my study and fall in love with my work.
Cheers and good luck to me! :D

#movingonday11
#counting

Can we try it again someday, if its not too late?

Please read the picture above and play 'If You' song by Bigbang.haha

Let me admit something.
I've fallen in love with someone that I THOUGHT was different from anyone else, from everyone that I've met and known before.

My friends casually said and accused me of being weird and would fall for weird things, stuff, activities and might as well with weird people. I always denied their words. I never really fall deeply in love or stuff related to feeling before. Its kinda disgusting for me. For the old me at least.

Looking back, all of their words are true. I can't really say that those feeling is the 'falling in love' feeling. Its more like 'LIKING' someone the way you never did before. All of their words are true. I tend to like a person with abnormal personality and I've finally met one, someone that I THOUGHT was not normal and in-sync with me.

Few months later, I realized that I was wrong to hold on to that feeling and expecting more from that person. He is just another guy, a jerk who thinks so great of himself and yes, just another guy. He was exactly similar to those jerk I saw around me. The reason why I never want myself to get involved in those love-love' feeling but eventually did *sigh*.

And you wanna know the saddest and hardest part is? Its to move on.
Moving on was never easy. Perhaps because its my first time.
Before, moving on was an easy task. Just give me a day and let me confined myself in my dark room crying or something. I'll be myself again tomorrow with no hard feeling. But this time, its been almost a week or two and I still can't get rid of those feeling. The feeling of crashing from falling too deep, the feeling of betrayed and tormented. Sad, upset, hatred and disappointed. Its a mix of emotions I can't describe.

So, help me to move on, anyone? :'(

That is why, dear girls/woman/anyone,
The next time you're falling, don't fall too deep. So that you can always climb your way up.
So that when you fall, it won't be that hard. So that when you're hurt, it won't bleed too much.
And the next time you fall for someone, make sure its not just an affection or lust. Don't expect to much from him and don't trust too much.

I hope that I will develop into a fine woman too though. So that one day, when he decided to look back on 'us', he will regret everything, regret of things that he lost because he decided to let go. Thanks to him, I grew up a bit. #brightside!

Perhaps one day when we grow mature, we can meet again, have some drinks and just laugh things off?

For me, in a few more years.

#pengakuan
#goodmorning by the way ^_^