Life become so hard when we get older

Maybe it's my fault for always acting that way.
But, have you ever realized of all the things that you've done to me?
Isn't I am just trying to reciprocate the things that you did to me?
I'm getting tired.

I've been giving you chances after chances.
I even forget and cancel about moving on after all those thing that you've done to me.
After you hurt me that bad. I tried to forgive and waved it off so that we can always start over.
Yet, every week, things only ended up the same. I don't know about you.
But things sure is taking it's toll on me.
I've messed up with my life, ignoring my friends and family. Just to entertain you and to make sure you'd feel wanted.

Now, I don't know what happened to us.
I don't know where'd I done wrong this time.
Should I always be the one who'll raise the white flag and apologizing?

I could've leave and be with other people who'd ready to offer me comfort, be my best listener and adviser. Yet, I choose to stay because I'm a loyal person.
Unlike you who'd just run away and hurt me whenever we stumbled upon some rock.
It really is tiring. It hurt so bad this time, just like before.

So...I can say that I am currently stranded between staying or leaving.
I've been trying to be more understanding.
I know you're busy with your works. I don't mind that at all.
I know you need your own space to be with your friends, just like I did.
But still, I am not good enough. And I don't know where did I've done wrong in this?
I've been trying to figured out my fault, but I can't.

Maybe our relationship shouldn't exist after all.
Maybe we weren't meant to be with each other.
Maybe we're not good enough for each other.
Maybe we shouldn't even try fixing us anymore?

My good friend asked me to 'move on' for good and value myself first.
He asked me to run away from a jerk like you.
So, if, in case you're reading this like you usually did back then before I fall head over heel for you, I'd like you to know that I want to try to end our relationship once and for all. I wan't you to vanish from my life just like what you usually did every week. But this time, I want you to gone forever. Don't ever try to reach me when you're bored or needed consolation or if, by any chance, missed me.
Just go and vanish. GO!

#Iwanttomoveonsobad #GODgivemecourage #hopingforamiracle

How to get a hold of everything all at once?

I am back. Assalamualaikum.

As the title said, I am facing that kind of problem right now.
What do you do when you're expected to be able to do (and excel) at everything?
Managing household, work, have a higher education and what about my personal life?
I hated it when someone tries to control me.

I can say that I was forced to pursue the life I have right now? I feel like a bad person to say that. But thats the truth. And as the time goes by, I started to actually liked my current life. Then someone have to come and set a boundary for me, limiting my steps and freedom.

Its kinda stressing me out and the situation did interrupt my daily life, emotionally and mentally.
I feel like I'm constantly being a jerk towards my friends. I am very sorry for the abnormal personalities that I showed these last few weeks. I really am sorry! Things just take a toll on me I supposed. I don't know how to deal with my current situation, I don't have a place to pour everything out and its suffocating. Someone is very mad at me for my jerky attitude. I just can't find myself apologizing again for the same thing that I did. I just hope he read this.

I actually noticed that when Im in this situation, I tend to push away and hurt the people that I favor the most. I don't know why, I just did. Instinct said that I don't want to hurt them? Well, maybe. But if you feel like I've pushed you away from my life, well, you're an important person to me.

Let e just isolate myself from everything again and do some self reflection to solve my problem.
I missed sitting in my dark room alone and think about life like what I usually did back then.
Its been so long since I left that habit. I should join my demon again I supposed.

I just hope that this problem will just pass and everything will turn to normal.
Insya'Allah...

Pray For MH370

I was shock when I woke up one morning (you call 10 am morning huh) and discovered that MH370 flight  to Beijing lost just like that. and loooooots of thing/drama is going on. Facts are on and off and some of it was not logic at all.. (esp the Maritime team who lost the yellow thingy that the fishermen found. How ridiculous!)

Also lot of drama from the people who even connect the missing flight with politics and made fun of it.
I was upset when people are even laughing at the incident. Have you even feel/lose people that you love? If your loved ones died in front of you, fine. But have you ever lose someone that you love so much and that your loved one is still in unknown location and cannot be traced? Well...ask me..because I did. And it felt so hard! 1 minutes feels like forever.

I am so sad. I can feel the feeling that the victims(?)'s family feels right now. I even cried for them. It must be hard. Thinking where could our loved ones be right now. Are they safe or what is the worst case scenario that could happen to them? These past few days, every morning when I woke up, I will spontaneously checking my phone and access to the news and internet to check in hope that the flight will be discovered. Even just one single sign is enough. But till now, there's not a single solid discovery (as of yet!).

Dear families of the victims,
Be strong. Things will not always be the same.
In case the worst case scenario did happened, I pray to dear Allah to give you strength and bless you with patience and faith.
But there's still a light of hope for something better right? Insya'Allah..

When Allah wants it to happen. It will.
I, myself, become so frightened of flying since I've (and the other passenger of course!) boarded a plane from KK-KL involved in severe turbulence (which is not a big deal after all. But everyone is still scared) and an emergency announcement was announced. Now, with the missing flight, I am beyond terrified!

Let us pray for MH370.
Come back home MH370! Everyone wants you back! We misses you!