Today is another 20 APRIL

I don't remember clearly what has happened,

But it is 16 years ago...since you left mom, me, us, your family.

16 years

after you were gone from my life. The fact that I still miss you and needed you hurt the most. I still rem

ember. You spoiled me.like...a LOT!

Untill mom was quit disagree with the way you treat me. But hey, I am your first daughter with mom after all..what are they expecting you to treat me like..

You give me everything that i’ve wanted. You’ve gone when I was still a little kid. 4 years old. What do you think a 4-years old girl could think of?

There’s only few things that I remembered... I still remember that night. I want to eat ice-cream so bad..It was hampir midnight...and you took me to Kedai si Utak (org Ranau mesti tawu ni). and bought me a lot of ice-cream and a carton of carbonated drinks (it’s for us~me & my brothers)

It hurt when I didn’t even remember your voice. I don’t remember a lot about you. But I love you! You’re the only man in my life. The only man that I wanted!

And the very day that you’re gone...In the hospital. I saw you with your weak face. But I am so sorry that I don’t understand anything. When they said ‘your dad was dying’~I wasn’t sad. Because I don’t know what ‘dying’ means. Then my strong mom said, ’dying is when someone go far..far away from us. And won’t return to us anymore. And we can’t meet & live with them anymore’. I was quit amused at that point. And I was angry with the doctor! I blame them for making my daddy ‘dying’.

On the hospital bed with your weak face, you were saying something to me. We talked for the last time didn’t we? I’m not sure what are we talking about. And I do regret that! x(

Did we even talked for the last time? Or is it just in my dreams?ahh~It was unfair that I can’t recall any of the memories!

The night before you were buried, I slept with you. Yup! I slept beside you like I used to do everyday.

After that..normal life wasn’t that normal for our family. I’ve changed a lot and turned out just like all my brothers. I mean my behaviour. What I've realised, everyone changed too.

What my friend had said is true, "It is hard to fill an information about 'BAPA' in every form that we have to fill in." I am quite speechless when it comes to it~ (You know who you are my dear friend)

People always says that, living without a father is hard? My answer is NO. Because it was harder!

And yes...It’s hurt so much..

I pray to dear God everyday that May HE blessed you and I pray so hard that you are happier in ‘there’. Amin....

I LOVE YOU DADDY x’(